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Of Pebbles and Diamonds
July 23, 2008
I have always loved writing. It is my life I should say. And I couldn’t imagine myself in any other professions that do not have love affairs with the written words.
I took up journalism at the University of Santo Tomas because it was the only course that I was attracted to. I longed to be a journalist. But it was a dream seen through the eyes of a probinsyano, who was fresh out of high school.
My Lola and my Mom were Vilmanians and therefore, it was not surprising when I became an admirer of Vilma Santos too. Seeing her on TV interviewed by movie reporters, it became a goal to someday meet her in person… and perhaps, do the interview myself! (Well, I’ve met Gov. Vi numerous times since then and in fact “ambush” interviewed her for an assignment in my feature writing class back in the late 80s at the Metropolitan Museum/MET where her weekly musical variety show was staged.)
Yes, the movie reporters— Inday Badiday, Joe Quirino, Ike Lozada, Babette Villaruel (May they all rest in peace! Wow, am I that old now?) became my inspiration to pursue journalism. I remember cutting classes just to go to the MET to watch Ate Vi and mingle with the reporters backstage.
All I wanted then was to be a showbiz writer. So when I graduated, I applied in one of the movie magazines and oh, how my heart broke when my application was rejected! Bruised, I decided to just go back to my hometown to practice my profession. “Perhaps, that’s where I belong. I am a promdi and I must have aimed too high,” I told myself.
But the universe had a different game plan. A week before I was about to go back to the province, a classmate asked me to accompany him to a job fair in Malacanang organized by the Presidential Action Center (PACE) under then Executive Secretary Oscar Orbos. To make the long story short, I was hired. My friend was not.
Thus began my writing career—not in showbiz, but in politics. I was devastated when I got rejected by the showbiz mag, only to find out in the end that the alternative the universe offered was better than what I originally wanted.
For three months, I was part of Orbos’s media handlers. When he resigned, then Press Undersecretary Deedee Siytangco needed a junior in-house reporter for President Cory Aquino. I was at the right place, at the right time so to speak. My adventure was further heightened (it was as if I was soaring!) when I became President Fidel Ramos’s close-in reporter. At 21, I was the “baby” in FVR’s coverage team. From then on, the adventure never stopped.
When I left the palace in mid-2001, I was the head of the Office of the Press Secretary’s Substantive Group. For close to eight years now, I am enjoying the corporate world (exploring corporate communications). And as a bonus, I am moonlighting as a columnist! Ah, life is good!
I have my love affair with the written words to thank for. My passion for writing has led me to places literally (40 countries most of which I traveled with FVR) and figuratively—far beyond what I originally dreamed of.
To fight stress, I’ve been maintaining an online journal for over a year now to freely express my thoughts, ideas, and feelings in words. It feels good to write about anything simply because I just love to write about it. Never have I imagined that this blogging thing would lead me to the fulfillment of one of my “To Do” lists before I die—write a column in a national newspaper.
That’s why when I got words from sir Cecil Arillo, the editor-in chief, that they would like me to be part of the roster of columnists for Philippine Gazette, I got very excited! Though I am a journalist, I was never part of any media institution. I was a presidential reporter. Hence, the thought of being associated with a media outlet thrills me.
I’ve toyed with several titles for this column and ended up with Looking Glass, which simply means mirror. Hence, my column hopes to give my readers a glimpse of my being. Looking Glass will be all about the adventure, the musings, the hopes, the joys, the travails, and dreams of a thirty-something singleton trying to survive in this urban jungle that is mega Manila.
But since this is a mirror, what the readers may actually find here will be reflections of their own selves. Exciting, isn’t it?
I was asked once to describe my life so far and I replied, “I asked God for pebbles… instead, He gave me diamonds.” This column, certainly, is another diamond that God has generously given. For that, I am grateful.
He Can See Clearly Now
June 25, 2008
He has made all things beautiful in His time." - Ecclesiastes 3:11
His world crumbled when he had to give up the condo by the bay. After all, it was his dream to have one overlooking Manila Bay. A substantial chunk of his hard earned money went to the amortization of the property. Therefore, when he couldn’t afford anymore to pay the monthly amortization due to some unexpected family obligations, it was as if his dream was crushed before his very eyes.
He had to asked God why does it have to happen. "Did i do you any wrong? What have i done to deserve this?" he lamented. But his questions seemed to have fallen on deaf ears. No answer… or so he thought.
It was very painful. The flat, for him, was perfect. (He dreamed of having a condo with a balcony and an ocean view. He got it. Not really a full view of the ocean but at least he can see it still since having a full front view will be very expensive. He settled for a unit in the 8th floor. That’s all he can afford. Not bad. In fung shui, 8 is a good number.)
He had to make a personal appeal to the president of the real estate company just to salvage some of the money he invested. The president was gracious enough. As a compromise, he will transfer to a new condo project of the company somewhere in Makati; the expenses from the bay condo incurred by the company- i.e. taxes paid, registration, agent’s commission, etc.– will have to be deducted from the amount he has already paid. Still a huge amount but better than nothing. So with a heavy hard, he agreed.
His agent gave him a good location- a 1BR loft on the 32nd floor and a corner unit. It also has a balcony and the Manila Bay is still very visible. He will have a full front view of the sea. Ok na rin. He may have to wait a while since expected turn over is still in late 2009 or early 2010.
And so, for almost a year now, he has been paying the Makati unit diligently. But whenever he sees his previous unit now standing tall in the bay area, the hurt returns. Forever, it will remind him of a major disaster in his life. The Manila Bay condo is very visible from the 27F of the building where his office station is.
In late May, his real estate agent called.
Agent: Hey, ahmm, there’s a problem with regards to your flat. The developer will have to convert all the units in the 32nd floor into a 1BR flat. No longer a loft.
Guy: Huh? how can that be? I want a loft. That’s what the contract said.
Agent: Yea, i know. Will try to do something,
Guy: Ok. But please let’s make it clear to the developer, much as i appreciated the kindness of the president, I want the loft. That’s what the contract that i signed said. If they can’t give it, i will have to withdraw all the investment i have and look for another unit. I cant bear another disappointment.
Fast forward. Mid-June:
Agent: I have great news for you!
Guy: Really? tell me about it 
Agent: You will have your loft. And since the loft will only be available at the Penthouse, there you will be! This will be at no extra charge. You’ll have the same payment terms… and what’s more, since there will be just several units in the 37th, all loft owners will have a private viewing deck and a garden.
He was speechless.
He then realized, GOD gave all the wishes of his heart… and more. He dreamed of a full Manila bay view- check. A balcony- check. Bonus: the location is very near his workplace, it’s a loft with a garden, and more importantly, in two years time, he will live at the penthouse.
Finally, his question was answered and he can see clearly now. He must have done somothing good to deserve all these
Image provided by http://www.flickr.com/photos/traces/895338560/
Getting Personal
June 9, 2008
In the company magazine that I am handling, there is a section where we feature employees via Q&A of sort. Hence, the section is called "Getting Personal."
Several featured employees told me they had a hard time answering most of the questions. I decided to try it myself. Totoo nga… I thought it was that simple. The questions made me think. More than thinking, it put me in a reflective mode.
Here it goes:
Before PMPMI, I used to work at … Hemisphere Leo Burnett for three years as a senior PR Manager. Prior to that, I was in Malacanang for 10 years starting as a junior presidential writer to head of the Malacanang Press Office’s Substantive Group when I left in 2001.
In PMPMI, my job is to…mainly oversee the internal communications functions of the Corporate Affairs department. I am also into External comm– doing media relations and writing speeches, organizing events, etc.
Working in PMPMI is…very challenging. One is always in the fast lane. The issues never end!
The thing I love most about the job is…I still get to do what I love most—writing. There are also perks that go with my post J
In 10 years time, I see myself …hmmm… I’ll be 48 by then… so it’s like I am counting the days towards retirement. I said I want to retire at 50 to pursue other things that have to be set aside for now due to some obligations.
People might be surprised to know that I…still long for a quiet and contemplative life, away from the crowd. Entering a monastery is still a very strong option for me. And until now, I still wonder why I am into public relations, meaning always meeting with people, socializing, partying.
The most important lesson in life that I learned is …goodness does not beget goodness all the time. Me mga assholes talaga na kahit gawan mo nang mabuti, sasaksakin ka pa din sa likod.
The best thing that ever happened to me was…when I became the close-in writer of President Fidel Ramos. I got to travel the world, shook hands with world leaders, lived in palaces—all for FREE J
The biggest risk that I ever took was …leaving Malacanang, my playground for 10 years; and accepting a job offer from Leo Burnett to be a PR consultant for PMPMI.
And what this taught me was…big risk means big return.
The secret to happiness is…living simply. I am now simplifying my life, discarding unnecessary luggages. I want to travel light.
The formula to success is… prayers, lots of it… and of course, hard work and excellence in what ever you do.
The soundtrack of my life would include…right now, it’s Diana Ross’/Mariah Carey’s “Do You Know Where You’re Going To.”
The thing that I cannot tolerate is…mediocrity.
If I were the most powerful person on earth…I will eradicate poverty and everybody will live in comfort. I will also instill compassion in the heart of every human being so there will be no injustice. Only love.
If money is not an option, I … will resign from work right away, pack my things and explore the world. Of course, while globetrotting, there will be someone in-charge of giving money to all the poor families so they can start their own business hehe.
The best thing about family is that…I know I will always have a home.
When I’m gone, they would probably say…honestly, I really don’t know. I just hope that it will be something positive. I believe I am trying my very best to be a good person.
My hero is…a lot actually. At different points in my life, there were always someone who came along to save and help me. More than heroes, they were angels.
The thing that makes my life worth living is…knowing that you are existing because you have a mission—and that is to be God’s instrument for the fulfillment of HIS will.
My greatest hope for the future is… that I will be able to fulfill all the goals that I have set so that when the time is up, I will not have any regrets and will slip away peacefully.
My favorite moments are when…I’m exercising, especially the cool down part that includes meditation. That’s when I am most at peace—body and soul.
My best ever outfit consisted of… t-shirt, ¾ shorts and rubber shoes. I go for comfort. I am not really a fashionista.
I’m saving up for…a condo. Actually, I am not saving for it. I am paying for it since 2005.
My biggest indulgence is… my weekly spa sessions. It used to be designer shoes and branded watches. Well, not anymore.
My current state of mind is… wondering whether or not I am on the path that is meant for me. Yes, I am happy. But fulfillment is something else. I feel I haven’t reached it. At least not yet.
My guiding principle in life is… What you sow is what you reap. Sooner or later, what you did will catch up on you.
I aspire to be…a good person.
The mid-life bug: Is time a friend or a foe?
May 12, 2008
Is time a friend or a foe?
I used to say time is on my side… That I have a lifetime to accomplish all my goals.
But recently, I have this feeling that time is running out. There are so many things to do. So many dreams to fulfill. So many goals to achieve. And yet SO LITTLE TIME. In the average lifespan of Filipinos at 70, i have already crossed the mid-point.
Must be the mid-life bug again. And i hate this feeling. Thought I’m over and done with it. Grrrr….
The bug started when a couple of weeks ago, a US-based friend and her husband came for a short break. We were six barkadas way back in college and while in her previous visits (or on occasions when i was the one visiting her in the states), the discussions would be the latest chismis in Manila and other mundane things, I was actually amused that our topics lately have shifted to a new level of sort.
Oh boy, we were talking about children (theirs, not mine), growing families, careers,… and retirement. Yes, retirement! Gosh, i never gave it a serious thought until that fateful dinner.
That’s when I realized, "Oo nga ano… I am already into my late 30s. I guess it’s high time I should plan my future and prepare for old age…" When I started to think about that, it became clear that i have so many things in my "TO DO" list and wondered whether or not i will be able to achieve all in a lifetime… *sigh* So many things to do, so little time.
I have to step back a little and may be, one of these days, I will get a clearer perspective and i will be able to chart my directions smoothly.
But as early as now, there are top three "TO DO" in my list which are non-negotiable. These are:
1.) I will retire at age 50 (that’s 12 years from now). I cant imagine myself working full time in a company when i reach that age. I want to own my time by then… (If I am still with my present company by that time, eligible na ko to retire coz that will be my 16th year there)
2.) I want to write a book. I also intend to pursue my other passions/ hobbies which had to take a back seat at this time. I want to pursue painting, fashion designing, and teaching even. I won’t mind studying again to take related courses.
3.) Travel. A psychic friend told me once that in my previous life, I was a gypsy. Well, Gypsy or not, I want to travel the world. If only money is not a problem, I would love to revisit again the 40 or so countries (and really explore these places) that I was fortunate to visit while i was in my 20s.
Only time can tell if I will be able to do all these. It is my hope that in the end, time will prove to be a friend…
Healing a bruised ego
April 21, 2008
It’s just the ego. Take away the ego factor and nothing has changed. Life is normal as it used to be. Easier said than done.
I guess, all of us have experienced a bruised ego. The normal thing to do is to accept it, honor the feeling of the moment, lick your wound, and move on to eventual healing. What will make the difference, however, is how fast can you can move on and make your life as normal as it used to be.
In spirituality classes, the first thing that a guru teaches his students is at least taming (if not totally mastering) the ego. There are techniques and guides but when you find yourself in THE situation, all that you have learned (which you thought you have mastered) seemed to have gone away.
I am still in the process of mastering the ego (and mastering myself. It’s a constant challenge *sigh*). Hopefully, i will learn the lesson fast. I may not perfect it, but it’s also my hope that after each experience, there will emerge a better ME.
Perhaps, it must be the reason why the universe recently let me experience again the feeling of having a bruised ego to see how i fared this time. The result remains to be seen. If there is one positive development this time, I am now aware of what is happening…
I draw inspiration from the writings of, who else but Paulo Coelho. His book The Warrior of the Light has been a helpful companion in my life’s journey.
"The Warrior of the Light knows the value of persistence and of courage. Often, during combat, he receives blows that he was not expecting. And he realizes that, during war, his enemy is bound to win some of the battles. When this happens, he weeps bitter tears and rests in order to recover his energy a little. But he immediately resumes his battle for his dreams.
The longer her remains away, the more likely he is to feel weak, fearful, and intimidated. When a horseman falls off his horse, if he does not remount immediately, he will never have the courage to do so again." (Warrior of the Light: A Manual by Paulo Coelho, page 99)
Does a Soulmate exist?
March 22, 2008
Do you believe in Soulmate? Are you part of the ultra-romantics or have you become cynical about this?
Another question: do you belong to the 94 percent who said that the first requirement in a spouse is being a soulmate?
Are you also part of the 87 percent who think they will find the person when they are ready?
(Source: Gallup poll sponsored by the National Marriage Project, Rutgers University. Poll of 1,003 ages 20 - 29 has a margin of error of + or - 4 percentage points. This was first posted at http://www.flatrock.org.nz) I am half-way through reading Paulo Coelho’s Brida. (As i have written in a previous blog, He makes me think while reading his novels. I may not totally agree with the views echoed by his characters but heck, his books make me think and analyze. That’s why I love him! While having my afternoon reading, I reached the page where one of the characters, Wicca, explaining to Brida what Soulmate is all about… (Pls note that the book is non-fiction. it is based on the life of Brida as she strives to learn the ways of Wiccan witches) She said: "The whole of man’s life on the face of the earth can be summed up by that search for his Soulmate. He may pretend to be running after wisdom, money, or power, but none of that matters. Whatever he achieves will be incomplete if he fails to find his Soulmate. "With the exception of a few creatures who are descended from the angels– and who need solitude in order to encounter God– the rest of humanity will only achieve union with God if, at some point, at some moment in their life, they manage to commune with their Soulmate." (page 57) Heavy stuff huh? Here’s my take: I used to believe in Soulmate. I guess, that’s the romantic side of me who believes in a fairy-tale happy-ever-after endings for everyone. May be the concept of Soulmate is true, after all… for the rest of those who think they have found theirs. Me? I would like to align myself with those "few creatures who descended from the angels"… lol… What’s your take?
)
A Fascination with Paulo Coelho
March 21, 2008
I’m fascinated with Paulo Coelho.
And I am soooooo happy i discovered this book yesterday at Powerbooks!
I’ve read all his books (except of course those that have not yet been translated to English) and i’ve been wishing for years that Brida, one of his earlier novels in Portuguese, will have an English version.
(Apart from his books, I also have his biography "Confessions of a Pilgrim" by Spanish journalist Juan Arias)
At last, 18 years later (the novel was written in 1990), an english edition was released and has been made available in Powerbooks! Just had to grab one This is a perfect read for the long break…
Will rate it as soon as i’m done! I just hope that this book is worth the wait… Gotta start reading now
****
Synopsis:
The spellbinding new novel from one of the world’s best-loved authors, Paulo Coelho, recounting the story of Brida, and her pursuit of wisdom. This is the story of Brida, a young Irish girl, and her quest for knowledge.
She has long been interested in various aspects of magic, but is searching for something more. Her search leads her to people of great wisdom, who begin to teach her about the world. Her teachers sense that Brida has a gift, but cannot tell what that is.
Meanwhile, Brida pursues her course ever deeper into the mysteries of life, seeking to answer questions about who she is. She meets a wise man who dwells in a forest, and teaches her about overcoming her fears and trusting in the goodness of the world, and a woman who teaches her how to dance to the music of the world, and how to pray to the moon.
She seeks her destiny, as she struggles to find a balance between her relationships and her desire to become a witch. This enthralling novel incorporates themes fans of Paulo will love. It is a tale of love, passion, mystery and spirituality.
(from Amazon.com)
Message from the Other Side
February 28, 2008
I was bombarding God with so many concerns. Life’s questions, you know… At the end of my monologue, I sighed and told God– "Ano kaya ang gagawin ko? Magparamdam ka naman…" (What will i do? Let me feel your presence).
I went to bed with a heavy feeling that night. Still can’t sleep, i grabbed the book "Thoughts from the Seat of the Soul" by Gary Zukav (It’s a permanent fixture on my bedside table, together with the Bible and "With God All things are Possible: A Handbook of Life").
Randomly, i opened a page and i was shocked with what I read. It was as if a direct message from God himself. It goes: "Take your hands off the steering wheel. Be able to say to the Universe, Thy Will Be Done, and to know it within your intentions."
Natulala ako…
A reflection on friendship
February 12, 2008
I never thought of this before: Do i have a bestfriend? Until i read a blog of my online buddy Janis Paredes titled "An ode to my bestfriend."
I actually made a comment on her site. I am publishing it here with additional thoughts (kasi medyo mahaba na yun comment ko sa site nya hehe)
hmmm… come to think of it? do i have a bestfriend? ang alam ko meron akong "inner circle" na mga kaibigan… and im sure of their loyalty… they will die for me.
pero yun 1 bestfriend? i dont know… does this mean yun lagi mong nakakasama madalas? yung pinakamatagal mo na kakilala? someone who knows you inside out?
nag-isip tuloy ako… parang walang natatangi. kasi lahat sila pare-pareho. they all know my life, my deepst fears, my greatest hopes, my likes and dislikes. wala ako itinago at maitatago sa kanila… if these are the basis, then i guess, i consider them all my bestfriends.
sa paglipas ng panahon, ive been betrayed, hurt, and loved. kasama ko sila sa lungkot at pati na sa tagumpay. They cried with me. They laughed with me. My joys are their joys. My sorrows they have also embraced.
Kumbaga, they are all extra special to me. Walang angat. Lahat, pantay-pantay. Some of them i met in college, and some etong mga later years na. Though the length of years vary, the depth of our samahan is the same.
Nakakatawa pa, iba-ibang grupo ang mga eto. Me iba-ibang interes, nasa iba-ibang larangan. Minsan, one group does not like the other group. Wala lang chemistry, ganun. But they have a common denominator: that’s ME.
I love them all for they respect my choices. Di nila ako pinapapili kung sino ang mas mahal ko. Pag may misunderstandings even to a set of my friends, nakakatuwa kasi sa akin din sila tumatakbo o nagsusumbong. Naku, kung intregera lang ako, mas lalo silang nag-away away hahaha!
That’s why I love them all the more. They know i don’t take sides. Basically, I am there for them to listen, and bridge…
My experience with people (coz ive been too trusting and gullible) made me choosy when it comes to friends. Mabibilang mo lang talaga sa daliri ang mga kaibigang nasa "inner circle" ko.
Who i have now are my bestfriends. They are God’s gifts. I just hope that the friendship i have with them will be for life…
Waiting for the world to change…
February 5, 2008
"There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven… He has made everything appropriate in its time. (Ecclesiastes 3: 1; 12)"
It’s just a matter of time. Sooner or later, it will happen. I just hope that when it finally happens, I am prepared for it.
Change is inevitable. As the saying goes: the only permanent thing in this world is change.
Am I ready for change? Why am i getting uncomfortable with the mere thought of it? There’s no way but to embrace it fully lest the world will pass me by and i don’t want to be left behind…
To borrow a line from Keane: "Everybody’s changing… and i don’t feel the same…"
Courage, Warrior!!!
Waiting for Love… or Running Away?
January 24, 2008
And it seems I’ve spent my whole life
Waiting for love
And when it comes
I always run away" — refrain of the song Waiting For Love by Sergio Mendez
Should this be my song too? I have posed this question in my mind more than a dozen times. And always, reasons prevail and tell me: "Of course, NOT! why do you doubt!"
(And my heart can only sigh in silence, always letting reasons win. And life goes on.)
"If you have doubts, may I remind you that you have a pact with the universe…" my inner voice adds.
Oooh– that pact. Damn! how could i forget that? Many years ago, I made a covenant with the universe. I swore to never again search or chase love. "I’ve been looking for love, chasing it all my life… and it only brought me heartache and disappointments. this time, i will let love find me. Love must find me."
And so, I’ve managed to live with it. The problem is (should i consider it as one?), i have also set conditions (or signs). I needed it so that when the right person comes along, I can be assured that Love has indeed found me…
Some friends tell me that with the requirements I have listed, looks like I am asking for the impossible… But what can i do? THOSE are my standards, not theirs. And at this time, they are non-negotiable.
That’s the sane part of me speaking. When I am alone, however, my heart challenges the very standards that I have set thus, allowing fear and doubt to set in. "Maybe i’ve set my standards too high… baka wala nang dumating…"
Good thing, my heart always relents to reasons. But i am also aware there will always be a possibility that one day, my heart will no longer listen and will tell my mind "napagbigyan na kita sa matagal na panahon. ako naman ngayon, and i don’t care if you are against it…"
Should i wait for that time … or should i pray it won’t ever happen?
(image provided by www.finex.org)
Miracles for those who believe…
December 22, 2007
"Crazy" is an understatement to describe the past few weeks. I have no words for it. Just when maybe most of the companies are slowing down to get a feel of the season, certainly, not in our company.
But I am glad it's all behind me now… i don't even want to recall what I've been through.
Hmmm… but on the other hand, maybe i should look back and never forget that episode. I should stand tall and humble December as i proudly tell her "Hey, the challenges you hurled at me were nothing. I was able to deliver!"…
The month that is about to end really tested my spirit. In the end, I can say proudly i did well 
but hell, i don't wanna go through that again. F***k… NEVER AGAIN!
I won't elaborate but let me just state that in life, lessons learned the hard way are the most valued and highly treasured…
I can't curse December… never will I curse it. How can I? it's the birthday month of JESUS! He is also the reason why I was able to deliver.
The last task was almost impossible. Only a miracle could save the day. What did I do to make it happen? I PRAYED… and God took care of the rest. All the forces of the universe seemed to have conspired to make it happen.
I am grateful… I have finally exhaled… and i have three more days to savor the Christmas season.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!!!
(note: image lifted from www.thebeatmuseumonwheels.com/
Alone again (naturally)…
December 17, 2007A week after i posted my "waiting to exhale" entry, i am slowly getting back into my groove…
Still lots of work to be done (and there's only just four working days left before the long break) but somehow, the situation has been manageable. That's because i've accepted the fact that some tasks simply just can't be done and it's not totally my fault. When i accepted it's the reality, that's when i felt better and i was slowly exhaling…
And so, over the past few days, i had my much-delayed haircut (barber's cut this time… super iksi!), spent time at the spa, and visited my derma to finally had that "magic potion" (i call it that coz until now, i don't know what's being injected on my acne that makes it disappear in overnight!). I also made an effort to have a regular work out schedule at the gym.
I also did what i haven't done for a long, long time– i.e. watch a movie alone. Yeah, i love doing some stuff on my own but i dreaded the thought of eating at a restaurant, malling and watching movies… alone.
For me, these activities are meant to be enjoyed with friends. Or special someone if you have one. Ang feeling ko, napaka-pathetic ko naman if do this alone.
On that particular Saturday, all of my friends had schedules of their own and my urge to watch Elizabeth I was a spur of the moment. Knowing that it's just the only free time i have, much to my horror, i was forced to watch it alone. I did the usual routine that a moviegoer does– queued for the ticket, bought some snacks at Burger King, and finally on to the movie house.
For a few minutes, I felt sorry for myself. But when I started to concentrate on the film ( and ignored that insistent voice telling me "you're pathetic, pathetic, pathetic…" 
), I truly enjoyed Cate Blanchett's magnificent portrayal as the iconic queen. I totally forgot that i was watching alone!
Having plenty of time left, i then did another thing that day that i haven't done for years– explored Glorietta and people watch by myself!
I am proud of what i accomplished that day. More than the beautiful movie and my other activities, I was actually happy with another lesson learned– that it's okay to be alone. It's not bad, after all. It's all in my mind.
I was alone (naturally), but not necessarily lonely 
.
(image on this blog was lifted from www.camargue-nature.co.uk)
Waiting to Exhale…
December 11, 2007
Just when almost everyone i know are in a holiday mood already, it hasn't really dawned on me that it's gonna be Christmas Day in two weeks time. I'm in no holiday mood. While most of my friends are busy visiting weekend tiangges and malls for Christmas shopping, i can only sigh with envy. I simply have no time!
The past months have been overwhelming (actually it started last October). I've been out of Manila the past two weeks for out-of-town company events and while I was away, paper works, meanwhile, were filing up on my desks. Also lots of things in my office "To Do" lists! On top of that, the publication that I am overseeing is already delayed. Releasing it before Christmas break is just a dream (this gives me a lot of stress!).
Personal stuff has also taken a back seat. I can't believe i haven't gone to the salon since September!– this means I haven't had a hair cut, hair color, manicure and pedicure, etc. I haven't visited my dermatologist either since October after my appointment was cancelled on October 18 due to that Glorietta explosion (damn!). No wonder, i often have my acne break outs, especially when i am under pressure.
My work out at the gym has also been irregular while my eating binges have become a natural phenomenon, meaning, i am slowly (i'd like to think it that way) gaining weight that I avoid the weighing scale nowadays *sighs*
I feel ugly. I don't feel like fixing myself. And for this, I am pissed. Shocks!!!!
This is bad… I know, i have to get my groove back! (Oh God, help me pls!)
I'm waiting to exhale…
A Scoop of Durian Ice Cream started it all!
December 5, 2007
Davao City– I am once again in one of my favorite cities in the Philippines. The land of DURIAN ICE CREAM…
I've been frequenting the place since the early 90s. In fact, during the time of President Ramos, I was here almost six times a year or more (I remember our provincial trips all over Mindanao then was almost monthly because he wanted to promote the region as an investment area. In fact, it was during his tenure were the Brunei-Indonesia-Malaysia-Philippines East Asean Growth Area was created).
I was asked once what place in the Philippines I am willing to relocate or work and i said i wouldn't mind to be assigned in Baguio and Davao. I don't know but I have this special affection for this place. Not all the places i've been to in the Philippines have elicited this kind of affinity and level of comfort. (I've been to Batanes up north down to Tawi-Tawi down south and this is one thing I am grateful to FVR because as his close-in reporter then, I got to visit far-flung places in the country during his six-year term.)
Unfortunately, when I moved to the corporate world in 2001, my travels to this place have lessened. Therefore, each visit to this city is something that i look forward to. I am here for the Philippine Art Awards-Mindanao awarding ceremonies later and despite the huge tasks that we do here to ensure the event's success this afternoon, it seems it isn't work at all. I am having FUN here!
It's always nice to see old friends from way, way back. Though we seldom see each other, somehow the bond that was strengthened by time is as strong as ever,and getting stronger in fact after my every visit. Last night, I was with Philippine Star Mindanao bureau chief Edith Regalado. This lady is such a charm. I call her "Princess of Davao." Through her, I got acquainted with members of the Davao-based media and one of them is Dennis Jay Santos of the Philippine Daily Inquirer, who was also with us last night.
It felt good to see the two of them. It feels even better to look back and reminisce of how one beautiful friendship blossomed through the years. We were so engaged with out chit-chat that lasted til 1.30 am today (Bitin!).
Dennis asked how Edith and I became friends and we both exclaimed (ala duet) "Durian Ice Cream!" and we laughed. Yes, a scoop of Durian ice cream started our 15-year friendship. I vividly recall, I was busy faxing a story to Manila back in 1992 at the old PIA office and I was so harassed when suddenly a jolly lady approached me with a broad smile holding a scoop of ice cream in a cone and said "o, mag-ice cream ka muna. durian yan, especialty ng davao."
I never ate durian fruit in my whole life (until now) and i don't like its smell but instead of saying no to her, i gladly accepted the ice cream and i never had any regrets. From then on, it became one of my favorite flavors. I never miss eating durian ice cream whenever i go to Davao. In fact, I just had one a while ago hehe.
So when I'm back in Manila and think of Durian ice cream, i will not only relive the experience of savoring its exotic taste (Sadly, durian ice cream is not available in Manila), i will remember a great friendship. Nestle Durian ice cream started it all….
The ICe Queen as a Love Guru
November 30, 2007
Is November a month of broken relationships — at least to some people i know? And I am flattered (actually, I am amused) that these people, who do not necessarily know each other but all have one thing in common (ME), seek me in times of pain and sorrow.
Honestly, after years of being unattached (much so that i proclaimed myself as The Ice Queen), I personally think that I have no moral ascendancy to advice people on love. Well, life in general, may be… but LOVE??? How can I when I myself have not been triumphant in this area? But my friends think otherwise… Oh well…
A few who sought my advice were in pain out of their own making– i categorized them as masochists, to which they agreed naman LOL. Sila ay mga true blue vhaklita o kaya mga babaeng feeling bading…
Others were victims of circumstances beyond their control and the case often involves betrayal. Right love at the wrong time ang mga drama nila… at napakadaming tanong, na ang akala nila, masasagot ko lahat…
Duh? do i look like a Guru? But in fairness to them and to myself, I really try to search for answers to their unending questions. I also emphatize with them (This is hard for me coz somehow, i have already forgotten the feeling of being in the midst of a messy relationship). Coz when there is nothing else to say, what matters is I am there for my friends to give them a hug and just listen.
Come to think of it, i've never uttered to any of my friends the four dreaded words "I Told You So." And I don't have plans of delivering these lines in the future. In my moments of solitude, i also reflected as to why i haven't told them those words, when it can be the easiest way to stop their kahibangans (on the other hand, i don't even want to term it as that.)
And this is what I found– despite being my self-proclaimed "The Ice Queen" title, I am still an ultra-romantic person at heart. I have always wished for everyone to have a happy-ever-after endings. Kung di man sa akin nangyari, o mangyayari, at least i will be a witness to one's happy ending.
I have read in one of my books that God only makes happy endings and if it's not happy, then it's not yet the end of the story…
I am a strong believer of that phrase. So, I am not an Ice Queen, after all… as what my good friend Vittorio often tells me… Oo na, Vittorio– inaamin ko na, the Ice Queen persona was all illusion…
FVR: My Mentor, My President
November 26, 2007
This is the third and last part of my “tribute” piece to the people who shaped my life. I have to dedicate a whole blog for the 10th person in my list. He deserves nothing less.
***
10. President Fidel V. Ramos: My Mentor, My President
It was difficult at first and overwhelming but eventually, I enjoyed the ride and had fun in the process. As a close-in writer, one of the biggest privileges that I had then was being present in almost every meeting (including those closed for media coverage) to document what transpired behind closed doors.
I was witness to several crises that confronted the Ramos administration and how he was able to overcome them (with great plans and military strategy, of course!). And I also heard first hand the praises FVR and the country in general got from world leaders. From US President Clinton, lauding him for the economic progress of the Philippines; to Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien's candid remarks during a one-on-one meeting that it would be good for the Philippines if his term (FVR) is extended. For the record, FVR mentioned to the Canadian premier that a Philippine president is only allowed to a single term of six years. (Back in Manila, the statement of Chretien elicited a lot of reaction, with the opposition then accusing the Canadian government of meddling in Philippine affairs.)
Definitely, the year 1992-1998 was a great time for the country. It was during this period that the international community had so much hope for the Philippines. In fact, RP then was labelled as Asia's next Tiger economy. (Oh well, those were the days…)
One of the major crises that hit his administration was the alleged unjust hanging of Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) Flor Contemplacion in Singapore. In 1995, amidst public outrage against the hanging of the Filipina domestic worker, FVR had to fire his Labor secretary, and worst, temporarily cut bilateral ties with Singapore.
The public outcry and demonstrations were fuelled by leftist groups and it was at this time, if my memory is correct, that FVR's approval rating nosedived. Aware that his media handlers (that's us) were worried by the seemingly increasing negative public perception, he called the group to his private office, and what happened was unforgettable: a lecture and assurance from someone who was definitely top of the situation (even if at that time, I, personally, was in doubt). He told us: "I've seen and handled many crises, worst than this one. Wala ito…" Perhaps, amused with the look on our faces, he laughed: "We will prevail. After a few months, this will die down… you'll see. Just do your job.Relax, don't panic." True enough…
There are lots of memories and behind-the-news happenings worth writing. These are just glimpses. I was with him on June 30, 1992 when he was sworn in as the 12th president of the Philippines, and I was with him too, in his presidential chopper RP2000, on the way to Barasoain Church in Bulacan to turn over the presidency to Joseph Estrada on June 30, 1998. In the fiirst hour after becoming private citizen Fidel Ramos, I was with him still on the way back to Malacanang park where a private limo was waiting to take him back to his residence in Ayala Alabang. But that's another story…
All I can say is: the six-years I spent as a close-in presidential reporter has been the most colorful and joyful adventure of my life yet.
I am grateful to the man, who showed me the world– literally. The travels (40 countries) i had were simply wonderful and priceless! I was privileged to live in palaces, royal guesthouses, and private villas, treated like one of the VIPs.
I still see him from time-to-time. As a statesman, he busies himself nowadays with travels around the world, delivering lectures and participating in various international fora with other world leaders.
A biography written by a world-acclaimed journalist is scheduled to be launched soon in United States.This will be released internationally, I am told.
Thank you for everything, FVR!
A Tribute to the People who Shaped my Life (Part II)
Here's the Part II of the list of people who have shaped my life… To them, i give my gratitude…
4. Secretary Fernando "Jerry" T. Barican (FTB)
Student leader (he was the initiator of the so-called First Quarter Storm when a group of student activists stormed Malacanang Palace to protest the declaration of Martial Law by then President Marcos), brilliant lawyer, newspaper columnist, and President Estrada's spokesperson (1998-2000). But beyond these accolades, FTB is a person with a heart of gold.
I will always remember Secretary Barican for his kindness. When my career was in limbo because of the transition from Ramos to Estrada, he plucked me out of the press office, created the Office of the Presidential Spokesperson, and voila! He made me his chief writer. FTB was such a savior!
Perhaps, FTB was the most generous boss I ever had. In October 1998, while waiting for a flight back to Manila from Singapore, we were passing time by shopping at Changi's duty free shops. He entered a shop selling expensive watches. Casually, FTB asked me to choose which design I liked for him. I chose the special rose gold edition of the watch. I told him: "Sir, it suits you best. Very elegant." He bought the watch.
I was surprised (more of a shock, really) to see a familiar box on top of my desk when my birthday came a month later (November). He gave the watch to me as a gift. Grabeee… it's one of my most cherished possessions today. Kahit magipit ako, di ko isasangla o ibebenta yun for sentimental reasons.
From him, I learned to be generous and share whatever blessings (big or small) i have, first and foremost, with my family and then with people who need help. I haven't seen him for some time but I wish him well…
5. Press Secretary Jesus "Jess" Sison
Tatay Jess, as we fondly called him, was press secretary of FVR. A veteran newspaper man and respected columnist (Malaya and Abante) before he became my boss, Secretary Sison was like a father. He was "tatay" to all the members of the press covering the presidency.
Knowing how meager my salary was at that time, Tatay Jess would give me extra allowance every month. My favorite was during presidential foreign trips coz there will always be "pang-shopping" (in dollars!) for us, his children.
I also came to know the members of the Sison family. I became close to Mrs. Sison and their children, especially Ate Millen and Ate Izza. To them, I give my thanks…
(Tatay Jess passed away last July)
6. Press Secretary Hector "Chito" Villanueva
Secretary Villanueva was Tatay Jess' successor. From him, I learned how to handle stress and controversies well. He was "Coolness" personified. Always in control even under pressure. While holding the press secretary portfolio, Chito was also the cuncurrent presidential spokesman. How stressful it must be for him to answer burning issues everyday– but still, at the end of the day, he remained "cool" ready for his after office gimik…
He taught me how to have fun and work at the same time.
Talk about work-life balance…
At present, Chito is the head of the Philippine Postal Corp. (Philpost).
7. Carmen "Ching" Suva
A grand daughter of Efifanio de los Santos (yes, EDSA), Tita Ching was Press Undersecretary Deedee Siytangco's successor. She was also the "Mother hen" of the Malacanang press, always, always putting the interest of her wards on top of her list.
When we had some messages (ok, favors) to relay to "Tatay Jess," Tita Ching was our intercessor. I always admired Tita Ching for her motherly care. A career professional, she rose from the ranks starting from a press office staff during the time of President Diosdado Macapagal. In 1992, she was appointed assistant press secretary by FVR until she became press undersecretary, a position she held both during the time of President Erap until she retired a few years ago under President Arroyo.
Tita Ching is a true-blue "PR" practitioner. Even until now, I still seek her help on some PR concerns. She knows everybody in the media industry. That's how huge her network is. But despite that, the woman remained simple, humble, low key. She would share with me some secrets of the trade to build lasting relationships with these people. Actually, the key, she said, is offering people with genuine friendship.
I will never forget our shared experiences. We were together in all the presidential trips of FVR! Oh, how we enjoyed the world, Tita Ching!
She is now VP for marekting and public relations of Manila Bulletin and The Manila Hotel.
8. Renato "Ato" Salud
He was the youngest presidential deputy spokesman of his time. He was only 27 when FVR appointed him in 1992 as the deputy of then presidential spokesperson Annabelle Tecson-Abaya.
A favorite of FVR way back when he was still Defense Secretary of Cory Aquino, Ato was his speechwriter. So, it was Ato who trained me to do speeches and statements (well, some of them) when FVR became president. HE trained me to learn the ways of our boss, especially his thoughts. Soon enough, I was drafting press statements on my own.
Before FVR's term ended, Ato went to Harvard for advance study and eventually joined the corporate world. I was left in the palace, serving the presidency of Estrada and then Arroyo . But I was surprised and touched to learn that even while he hasn't seen me for years, he has actually been looking for opportunities for me. I was surprised one day to receive a call from my present company, inviting me to join if i'm interested. Yes, he was head of Corporate Affairs of our company at that time. And yes, he was instrumental for my eventual regularization.
He initiated me to the corporate world… and for that, I am grateful. Ato is now an expat in Singapore, holding a top regional position in his present company. Godspeed, Ato!
9.The One Who Got Away
It is said that people walk into our lives to teach us a lesson. If this is so, then I consider the "One who got away" one of my greatest life teachers. Through this person, I have discovered my self at its best… as well as my worst. I saw the side of me, which previously I didn't know existed. I was able to see my own demons. Through the One who Got Away, i learned my capacity to LOVE without limits (the best) but through this same person, i also learned what I am capable of doing at my worst (self-destruction). Now, I know better… and I have "The One who Got Away" to thank for…
In am devoting my next entry to the 10th and last person who made a difference in my life. He deserves to have a full blog . *TO BE CONTINUED**
A Tribute to the People who Shaped my Life (Part I)
They are my mentors. To elevate it further, they are my Gurus. Without them, I will not probably be the person that I am now… Still on a reflective mode (must be a birthday hang over), I am listing down the names of 10 people who inspired and/or guided me to be where I am today…
(Note: I am excluding members of my family and my present bossess)
Here they are, at random:
1. President Cory Aquino
I was 21 when I became Cory's junior in-house reporter. I was star-struck when I first met her. That was August 1991. Imagine, face-to-face with the Icon of People Power and the first woman president in Asia! I only used to see her on TV and read about her in the papers.
Though I worked for her for only 10 months, she definitely is unforgettable. I was inspired by her simplicity. Napaka-low profile. She doesn't want to get unnecessary attention. Very unassuming.
She was very cautious about spending government money for Malacanang functions. Once, she treated the reporters (including me and the rest of her in-house coverage team) to a dinner at Malacanang's Heroes Hall. I overheard her telling the Household staff that she was paying the dinner from her personal fund.
My most memorable moment with Cory? I guess that will entail another blog. But let me just say briefly that it was when she visited Calauit Island in June 1992, one week before she turned over the reign of government to Fidel V. Ramos. I was privileged to see a very different Cory. Very casual. Very candid. Very ordinary. That was an experience I wouldn't forget. No Malacanang press corps– only me, documenting President Cory's activities, and some members of the Aquino family, especially her grandchildren.
2. Lourdes "Deedee" Siytangco
Now Manila Bulletin columnist, a TV talk show host, and Cory's spokesperson, Deedee was Cory's press undersecretary when I came on board. In fact, our department (the Presidential Press Staff-News Reportorial Section) was under her.
I remember Usec. Siytangco as the "mother hen" of the Malacanang press. And as a mother, she was very protective of her children. Being the bunso in President Cory's in-house coverage team, i can say that she was extra nice to me. But she also trained me to be a reporter who must develop the "nose for news." I remember her giving me lectures (ok, "sabon") whenever I missed what she thought must be the "scoop of the day."
Deedee is also very thoughtful, always giving little things to her staff. Though I haven't seen her for years now, my admiration and fondness for Usec Deedee never wane. I miss her.
3. Joanne Rae Ramirez
She was my immediate boss during Cory's time. Joanne was the executive editor of the Presidential Press Staff. How can I forget her? She was the one who hired me!
My final test when she was about to hire me was to write a press release on Cory's speech ( I forgot now what it was all about). I made a two-page news article. I was nervous, but she was so sweet and nice.
Being a neophyte, Joanne was so patient in mentoring me, correcting every piece i submit until such a time that I could write with very minimal editing (I almost jumped with joy, when one day, she returned a copy of the story i made without much corrections!)
And being the youngest in her team of reporters, she was also very protective of me, especially when "Mother hen" Deedee Siytangco had her bad hair days.
I will always love Joanne because when Cory's term was ending, she was the one who advised me to stay put. (After serving a few months under FVR, she moved to the Philippine Star where she is still connected until now as an associate editor.) When she was about to leave her post and i signified my intention to leave Malacanang and try to be a newspaper reporter, this was what she told me: "Jojo, you are still young. I see your potentials. Why don't you stay here for a while and give it a try? you might like working for FVR after all."
I obviously made the right decision when I heeded her words of wisdom. Until now, I still meet Joanne on some occasions. Aside from the Philippine Star, she is now the editor-in-chief of People Asia Magazine.
*** TO BE CONTINUED***
Erap Case: Politics of Quid Pro Quo
October 27, 2007
I was bombarded with all the news on former President Joseph Estrada's homecoming in San Juan. Enough of these scenes, i said. Can't take it anymore. turned off the tv, and decided to spend time here in cyberspace…
Erap acknowledges GMA as president. He thanks her for granting him pardon. In a speech at the San Juan city hall, he even encouraged the crowd to applaud GMA and thank her coz if not for her he will not be a free man– Wow! these words must be music to GMA's ears!
He recognized her as president. He gets his freedom. IT'S A DEAL!!!
Ours is really a politics of quid pro quo… I could never be a politician. And thank God, I am not one…
