Addicted to Love and Heartless Zombies

“People ask, why fall in love when being hurt is a certainty? My answer? It makes me feel I am alive… coz whether I feel the greatest hurt or the greatest love, sheer bliss or flood of tears, on top of the world or at the bottom of the damned chain, it made my heart beat fervently… I tell you, I’d rather fall in love over and over again than to blend in with millions of heartless zombies who resolved to play safe…”

I don’t know what prompted Vittorio to text me that message. My speculation is that he was more of justifying his feelings than anything else. My dear friend is in love again. And I, as well as the rest of the barkada are raising our eyebrows with his choice of a partner. (In fact, Vittorio even accused me one time that I am biased to his ex, which of course I vehemently deny.)

Vittorio said his goodbyes to this current love interest maybe a thousand times already. Ayun, sa awa ng Diyos, magkasama pa din sila hanggang ngayon… There were moments when Vittorio would ask me if he should let go of his partner. Much as I would like to tell him he should, I know it will be unfair for the two of them.

I do not really know Viottorio’s current flame to be able to pass a fair judgment. I only get to hear my friend’s side of the story. So, I tell Vittorio: “You will have to decide for yourself. Ikaw ang nakakakilala sa kanya. Eh kahit na sabihin kong layasan mo na yan, di ka din naman makikinig di ba? We both know that coz we’re both stubborn. Ang importante, you do not lose your dignity and self-respect.”

When I was in a relationship, I never followed my friends’advices anyway, especially the unsolicited ones. But I always kept these well-meaning advices in my mind so I won’t forget. “Di ko naman sila pinakikinggan. Ako pa din naman ang masusunod. I just waited for my boiling point because I know it will certainly arrive,” I said. When it happened, it was very easy to say “I’m done. I’m through with love…” and I never looked back. (That was how I became an “Ice Queen.”)

Going back to Vittorio, looks like everything is okay in his world now (or may be he just realized that Kris Aquino is not exactly an ideal role model?). I never hear him complain but I know they still are together. I don’t ask either because I fully respect his privacy.

I do not know if my dear friend is waiting for his own boiling point but I really wish that everything is now really okay between them. And more than wishing, I pray that their relationship will be something that Vittorio is hoping for. He is a good person with a heart of gold. And having through a lot to fight for this relationship, Vittorio deserves nothing but the best, served on a golden (diamond even) platter.

“Ice Queen” that I am, my admiration goes to people who are not afraid to fall in love over and over again … and actually fight for the love that he thinks he deserves. But I refuse to be labeled as someone who decided “to blend in with millions of heartless zombies who resolved to play safe.” I am the “Ice Queen” after all.