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Waiting for Love… or Running Away?
January 24, 2008
And it seems I’ve spent my whole life
Waiting for love
And when it comes
I always run away" — refrain of the song Waiting For Love by Sergio Mendez
Should this be my song too? I have posed this question in my mind more than a dozen times. And always, reasons prevail and tell me: "Of course, NOT! why do you doubt!"
(And my heart can only sigh in silence, always letting reasons win. And life goes on.)
"If you have doubts, may I remind you that you have a pact with the universe…" my inner voice adds.
Oooh– that pact. Damn! how could i forget that? Many years ago, I made a covenant with the universe. I swore to never again search or chase love. "I’ve been looking for love, chasing it all my life… and it only brought me heartache and disappointments. this time, i will let love find me. Love must find me."
And so, I’ve managed to live with it. The problem is (should i consider it as one?), i have also set conditions (or signs). I needed it so that when the right person comes along, I can be assured that Love has indeed found me…
Some friends tell me that with the requirements I have listed, looks like I am asking for the impossible… But what can i do? THOSE are my standards, not theirs. And at this time, they are non-negotiable.
That’s the sane part of me speaking. When I am alone, however, my heart challenges the very standards that I have set thus, allowing fear and doubt to set in. "Maybe i’ve set my standards too high… baka wala nang dumating…"
Good thing, my heart always relents to reasons. But i am also aware there will always be a possibility that one day, my heart will no longer listen and will tell my mind "napagbigyan na kita sa matagal na panahon. ako naman ngayon, and i don’t care if you are against it…"
Should i wait for that time … or should i pray it won’t ever happen?
(image provided by www.finex.org)
